however, after visiting a blog (can't recall which one, sorry) a few weeks ago, i began reflecting on the natural experience, my natural experience. the blogger posed (and then answered) the question, 'what made you decide to go natural?'
i can't remember exactly the moment for me. what i do know is that right around the end of middle school and the beginning of high school, my sense of self and the world become more clear. i was being shaped by events like the rodney king brutal beating, the malcolm x movie (among others), the news...in high school, i was reading nikki giovanni, toni morrison (well, outside of high school, actually) james baldwin...i was writing papers on apartheid in south africa, the black panther party and why rap music was so genius. celebrating the kinky texture of my hair seemed to be a no-brainer. unfortuanetly, talking the talk was much easier than walking the walk. i would swing back and forth between relaxing my hair and going natural SEVERAL TIMES. when it was straight, i wasn't really unhappy. in fact, i worked hard to get it as straight and silky as possible. usually, my hair was pretty and healthy. but there would be this nagging guilt whispering in my ear that i knew better than this. i was disappointing myself. and i would be so envious of the girls with their lovely locs or fluffy twists when on occasion i'd see them. i knew better but wasn't doing better. on the flip side, when i was natural, all the hard work would get the best of me (trying to keep it cute), and i'd do what was easiest (laziest): get a perm! this inner turmoil continued well into my twenties. after having locs for three years, i realized it wasn't for me at this stage of my life. i cut it off and relaxed it again. i don't regret that decision at all. it was the right call at the time. but one evening in 2008 while watching tyra's talk show, i had an epiphany. the guest was mary j. blige. tyra asked the r&b queen if there was anything she could have, what would she wish for. mary responded that what she wanted most in the world, what she would get if she could...was long, indian hair! when a shocked tyra tried to help mary out by suggesting she could get a weave, mary made it crystal clear. no! she wanted it to be her hair flowing down her back. i thought that was really sad. however, i didn't blame mary. i understood exactly what she was saying and why. i made up my mind then and there. for my future daughter, sons...for my adorable little nieces, i would stop fighting against my kinks and celebrate them...show them off, adorn them. and that's exactly what i've been doing since.
besos jenna pearle*
